Although we all know by this point in our lives that Valentine’s Day is a totally commercialized and fabricated “holiday” – perhaps conspired by Hallmark, Godiva, and the florist industry to boost sales – it still manages to hold a symbolic meaning; well, at least for me it does. “So, what are you guys planning to do for Valentine’s Day?” is a question I have asked some of my coupled friends who have most likely planned something special with their significant other. I have seen some of my female suitemates assemble photo albums for their boyfriends and my roommate even got a framed picture of him and his girlfriend for Valentine’s Day. However, for the most part, it seems like besides the traditional gestures of flowers, chocolate, and a gift, most of my friends haven’t thought hard about the holiday. “Maybe take her to dinner, I guess,” a friend answered me. Whether it was the high level of comfort or diminished enthusiasm that allowed for such a low degree of planning and lack of anticipation, I felt that perhaps I was the one most excited for Valentine’s Day.
Being single, once you get over the fact that you have nobody who tells you she likes you everyday, is not so bad. And one advantage I’ve enjoyed as a single college male student has been the practice of theorizing romance. No, I’m not referring to any fantastic masturbation techniques, but to the idea that I can think up scenarios of interaction with any girl and play in my mind how I would handle the situation depending on what I know about that girl already. I guess this is a bit weird because it means theorizing about people I’m friends with and see in classes, library, etc. – but because my mind (or heart) is void of any fixation – it’s often an amusing game to play. And please, my theorizing goes no further than dialogue and maybe a dinner situation, so no dirty connotations need be attached.
Because I would be foolish and socially suicidal to go into detail about my romantic theories, I will mix and match and generalize to demonstrate and then to show why I even do it in the first place. Let’s say there’s a girl who is not ugly, but not that great looking either. I talk to her a few times a week when I see her in class, and I often talk to her at the library. I’ve hung out with her a few times, maybe gone to a club or drank together at a bar. I’m friends with some of her friends, and we have similar interests. So, upon these premises, I would begin theorizing by willing myself to like this girl. I would carefully delineate her weaknesses from her strengths and remind myself only of her strengths, whether it be her sense of humor or nice hair. Fixated on these qualities, I would then go about establishing a scenario i.e. I like her but she doesn’t know and she’s never shown interest in me. From here, I have to be creative and devise ways to first, elevate her opinion of me and second, find ways to subtly let her know that I have interest in her. One possible option may be casually asking her to go drinking and hoping to engage in a deep conversation amid a loose and relaxed atmosphere that would leave in her mind a pleasant ambience coupled with a good time. If this succeeds, I would then increase the frequency of our communication – more IMs and one or two phone calls. I have to be careful, however, to restrain myself and never cross that line of being “annoying” because once you cross that line with a girl, the game will abruptly end. Let’s say that I get some positive feedback from the girl, and she becomes accustomed to my communicatory efforts. What then? From here on, it’s all about testing things out: dinner at a familiar, nearby restaurant (to downplay any notions of “date”), watching a movie (nothing romantic, preferably a critically acclaimed picture), or if at the library, taking a “study break” and perhaps going for a walk together. I usually have a good time thinking of these situations because everything is so rosy and promising at the beginning of a relationship – or even something that vaguely resembles one. However, it is when I theorize about a real relationship that most girls fail my scenarios. Compatibility issues with her friends and my friends, religious beliefs, and the fact that she’s not strikingly gorgeous are some of the problems that I envision in theorizing long-term situations.
And I never get to theorize an entire relationship in my mind. They come in snippets. For example, let’s say I’m in class with the girl and just looking at her briefly. In my mind, I could quickly run a scenario of what it would be like if I gave her a flower for Valentine’s Day or if I wrote a short story for her. I would imagine the specifics, like what kind of flower or what kind of story, how I would present it to her, and what her response would be. It is in these details that I take most pleasure in theorizing, and I guess most of the fun isn’t my focus on the girl, but rather, on my romantic capabilities.
Maybe it is my silly pastime of romantic theory that makes Valentine’s Day fascinating. I realize that many of you will see this practice as a pathetic outlet for my singleness, but I feel no shame and even find it helpful in developing techniques and methods for interacting with possible girlfriend candidates. So, I conclude with a general hypothetical situation: if I had a girlfriend, what would I do for Valentine’s Day? My answer: Very easy: a card from Hallmark, a box of Godiva chocolate, and something nice from a florist down the street.
