>>pk@columbia

10.21.01 - cyclical repeat

If only I had decided to play football in college, maybe then everything would be an almost exact repeat of my high school freshman year. I've noticed that besides the change in the environment - the obvious differences between life at home and life in a college dormitory and all the adjustments that come with the change - many occurrences have me feeling as if I'm repeating a four year cycle, this year being my first.

In the summer before my high school freshman year, I obtained a domain name called goldstuff.com. It was an Asian-American youth on-line magazine that featured insightful articles and other neat things to attract the pubescent Asian-American population. The site wasn't such a great hit, but for 1997, it was a fairly good looking one. Because my parents had monumental expectations for me in high school, one B+ in geometry in the first marking period led to the abandonment of goldstuff.com. I was momentarily sad, but because of lack of direction and focus, the site would not have survived for long, anyways.

As a freshman in college, I have returned to the dream of making a magazine that covers Asian-American youth. This time, after much experience with my Hoching Content magazine and also with more support from my friends, I think the ground is firmer for establishment. I have a clear vision of what this magazine will accomplish and I hope I will be wise in making the vision a reality.

Not having a car to drive around the city does impede my mobility. As a high school freshman, the bus was my only means of transportation and that only took me to and from school. I stayed home almost all the time and used church as a social outing because it was the only place I could get a ride to. Nowadays, with subway fares that deceptively eat up cash and a frustrating wait at each stop, I confine myself within the gates of the university. I remember a stretch of 5 days when I stayed exclusively within the three or four block area of my college. As long as there's food, a place to sleep, and work to do, I guess it's not a big deal to go out. If I did it four years ago, I could probably do a better job of it now.

Lastly, I'll address the girl thing. I'm single, I'm a freshman male, and of all the freshman girls I've met or seen, none are of romantic interest to me. What do I do? No, I'm not going to church again - sitting through boring sermons just so I could chat with new people or check out pretty girls is silly. It probably raises ethical eyebrows for some people, too. Well, referencing my situation four years ago, I realize the one place to look: older girls. Of course, four years ago, I was infatuated, but that was about it. I proved to be a geek with no appeal to older girls. Will it be possible to rectify my past failure? I must say that the upperclassmen girls do look pretty good.

Maybe all this cyclical stuff is a way for me to take advantage of this new trait I have: experience. I'm still young and, I have much to learn, but I've also been through many things that have taught me well. Some of my friends, who tire of me talking about my high school days, ask why I keep on referring back to the past. It's not because I'm inflicted with a serious case of nostalgia; I think that refreshing the history of myself in my mind will only help me be more prepared for reoccurring opportunities. Everyone has perfect hindsight, but those who actually do look back and see things clearly will know how to deal with what's coming next.